My days on the planet

Naam:
Locatie: Netherlands

When I was young, I delayed prosperity for my country.

zondag, februari 20, 2005

Motivation

BAHHHHHHHH.

Why can't I be more initiative. I always have so many plans, so much motivation. What lacks is the initiation. I can't motivate myself to start. And when I finally do start (wasted a lot time before such happens) I get defocussed very quickly.
I don't get why I can't concentrate. I think I've always had a concentration problem. If I just sticked to my plan, I would have finished whatever it is that I want to accomplish. But due to the concentration problem, what was intended to cost a few days gets stretched to weeks. I hate it. Is it my life rythm ? I have a great incapability of getting up from bed at a fixed time. I hit snooze a million times before I get up. Many times too late. When I am forced to accomplish something (for work or a relative or whatever) I have a far higher success rate within a short time (as planned). I would never become a generous millionaire with this concentration problem.
I whether there are many people with the same accomplishment wishes, that just don't get succesful by their lack of concentration...
I wonder whether mowgli feels the same. Like a feather whispering your name by the vibrations of air. Yes, nice words, nice bla bla bla..... I love accomplishment, though it is very rare.

zondag, februari 13, 2005

Knowledge

Right now as I'm improvising this very post, I have to come up with the subject of it.
As in a flow of thinking, words rattle through my keyboard, at speeds, unpreceeded.
My subject will be knowledge and its side effects.
All my life, I have went to school. I learned to calculate, to speak my main language,
I learned to read and write. But many things have been left out. The approach to the children just is aweful. I have always rescented school. Elementary School: You were forced to wake up at an early time, have breakfast and then go to school. A day of sitting still, having to focus all time, being limited in all my ways of behaviour. Physically restrained, in a seat. Not being able to communicate with friends above a certain level of decibels. Following each line in a book stating the very assignment for each moment. The focus just wasn't there. I could start a bit on it, but concentration once again left me. I was bright, though. Even with very little effort in learning anything, I aced all subjects.
So what is it that makes knowledge. Consuming chapter after chapter of assignments ? The repetition ? To really burnmark the things in your mind ? Or is there a more effective way, varying per individual ? I with motivational and concentration problems, just can't rely on a book to give me the knowledge that I desire.
Like I said, I have always rescented school. I now do a professional education about network maintenance. Apart from time schedules, which I'm terrible at, it's an easy education. I don't spend any time at all of my spare time on learning matter for tests. While the expectancy lies in at least an hour study per day. Do I ace the tests ? No, I don't by a long shot, though I do always get my points high enough, and on occasion a peak. However, I can ace them by actually studying the matter. But I can not concentrate, and the books we get are very dry. Everything is in hugh blocks of text. I still rescent school and studying for it. I do however do not rescent learning. I welcome knowledge.
At the age of 7 I started the things that are my very hobbies at the moment, and in the future.
I was musically gifted for instance. For school we had a couple of music sessions. You could choose an instrument to follow over a period of time. With each instrument chosen, I always came out as the best learner. Music is not boring. It requires little text to learn it. Though my teachers noticed... Nobody at home knew what to really do with it. I some years later attended some music lessons, but I rescented it. The schedule, after school having to put up time, for someone telling you how to play your instrument. And I hated the pathetic synthesized music accompanying the play. I did not like my teacher. She seemed a bit harsh and cold. It was lonely in the large room, with a slick, shiny cold floor. The teacher was purely focussed on jamming the technique into me, but in a less thoughtful way than I would have suggested right now. I disliked the instrument I got aswell. I did not like the sound of it, a bugel (a copper horn type). It had many dents.
I started drums early, I learned it a bit from my brother, who was taking actual lessons. I attended drum lessons aswell. They were much, much better. My teacher was funny. He was a cool guy, with good humor. It felt as if you personally bonded. A special relation. I liked drums a lot more. I played in a nice carpeted, clean room, filled with percussion. I played an expensive drumkit there. It was awesome. I got 2 diploma's with it before I quit it. I quit it due to motivational problems. I did not practice what I was given, and we moved to another town.
However, though I practiced little of what I got, I did get good at it within short period.
I stopped lessons 4 years ago, and I only have become better ever since.
So music was one of my hobbies. Now the other major hobby, was and still is, computers.
Back then we at home, we had a computer. An old Ericsson. I learned DOS, by following my oldest brother (9 years older) and my father on the pc. I read a book on DOS (A manual that came with the computer), and my oldest brother, who could do very little with computers further, learned me the basics of 'GW-BASIC'. How did he teach me ? He did not. All he did was write a small program using all his knowledge and presenting it to me. I was very young. I don't think he expected me to actually be able to start digging into it. He learned me 2 keyboard keys: F1 for 'List', which lists the program code, and F2 for 'Run', to run the program. Well with time I figured it out and started on my own. I created many small things, experimenting with all the features of the pc. I slept with a GW BASIC manual under my pillow, being 7. I was not aware however of the uniquety of my interest and knowledge at that time. It was not a subject of discussion at school, just something that I was used to doing when being at home, in my spare time.
Later, in my older years (12) I started to think about matters of life. I analyzed my behaviour. I was thinking about matters like whether we really have a free will. Like when I step this direction, will I change my future ? I wondered whether my school mates wondered the same thing. Or even whether my parents ever did. I became aware of myself being odd in certain ways of thinking.
Now not long ago, I became aware, that I've been doing very little else, than learning all my life. And I mean it in the educational way. I've been self-educating all my life. After school, programming, reading, playing instruments. When I was like 10 I did attract some friends to my programming life. They assisted me in reading parts out of books so I could type them. They liked to do it. We would switch in tasks aswell. I don't have any contact with them anymore, they abandoned me in a not very nice way.
What do I do in my spare time outside school ? I program, I read ebooks, I practice guitar and I watch television.
I've compared my behaviour with others, and I can't say that I ever have seen someone in my acquaint-list being as near as selfeducative. I do know many people just recenting school. But they have no desire for knowledge. Only for fun, girls, partying....
So once again, what makes knowledge, out of matter ?
Each individual does have a different approach for effective learning. My way to gain extensive knowledge on a certain subject is not to read a big book on it. Or attend to lessons... No, I have figured out my systems for effective learning. It's knowing what is an overall effective teaching system and improvising in the same way. If I would attend drum lessons now, I could anticipate each and every lesson I would get there. By knowing the average system for teaching. Taking things apart and drill them repetitively. All I need for gaining knowledge, is a source with technical details. Then I can design the most effective learning system, specifically for me, formed to that type of matter, and then consume it.
It's 6am, I stayed up all night, and I'm tired. I need to be persistent, to get back in rythm, by lasting all day, not falling asleep. I fall as.s.

Introduction

Hi there,

I would introduce myself only shortly with little detail. I am a male, 18 years of age and I live in The Netherlands. With writing this weblog I'm limited to my english vocabulary. My lingual capabilities do exceed the average in my country, but it's not far enough, to be able to express myself in the way I want to express myself. Therefor, some of my writings will structurally be a bit flawwy. I make this weblog for being able to express myself and my ideas. I do this to educate myself, in being able to expres myself, and to become a better writer, as I will try to put things in a poetrical form.
I enjoy comments, so please do post when you feel like it.